A friend told me today I am a wanderer, like Jack Kerouac. She said while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, she wasn't sure if wanderers have a place in todays world. We talked about how I have felt since I have been back in Pennsylvania. I feel like most people, beyond lip service, don't really care one way or the other about me being back. Maybe I am a wanderer and most people can't depend on me because of the situations I have found myself in. Well I'm sorry if my life is an inconvience to you people. Try living it. By the point I have asked you for help, I have already exhausted every option I can think off. I am tired of this feeling that no-one connects to me anymore. All I want is to matter to people. Isn't friendship enough anymore? It would be nice if people would call you up or just show up and go "Let's go get a hotdog....go see a ballgame...etc". Even though Scott (in NM) could be an overbearing bastard at times (not a complaint really, just an observation), at least he or Deb would show up at my door and to see what was going on. I know they only lived 2 doors away, but they did this regularly. No more than 2 days would go by without Scott sticking his head in the door. Hell, I haven't an unprompted phone call from my brother in years. I know he's busy but what does it take to just call or stop by at the gas station on the way home.

PEOPLE...stop trying to blow me up!!! I had to tell some lady at full serve today to shut her car off 3 times. Fuel vapors hover near the ground right near your exhaust pipe and the engine. You know the battery and spark plugs!!!! Use your freaking brains, will you?

Well, I hope I hear from one of these 3rd shift jobs soon. Otherwise, there is zero chance of finding my own place to live by the end of August. If I have to I will move into one of those motel rooms by the week arrangements. Those run like $100 a week but what can you do. I won't be able to save any money if I have to do that, at least not with just the gas station.