I am tired, hurt, and weary. As some of you may know, someone I know was convicted of child molestation and is serving a lenghty term in prison. When he was first accussed, I rallied behind him and specifically his parents. They asked me to stay with them and keep an eye on things (the house, security, etc) as they were both in their 70s at the time of their son's arrest. First, I didn't believe it was possible, then as time passed I learned it was true (but I believed it was a mental illness that caused this behavior). Now, tonight, I have learned from the a friend of mine that her child was fondled by this man. Maybe I wanted to believe this man was mentally ill (and God knows he isn't right) and that his actions were not calculating and intentional. Now I am faced with the possibility that he is exactly what the prosecution and the victim's parents say he was. I was wrong, I never knew him and I missed this happening. He played us all, including his parents. I publically defended him in the face of his accussers, and now I am a fool. I have ruined my reputation with people I saw as my friends. Because I was with his family for a year and a half, I am accussed by people of stealing from his parents. One person in particular, is the prime facilitator of these stories. But it is the other people, who I thought were my friends will no longer talk to me. I allowed this to happen because I put myself in the role of "supportive friend".

I feel like I can never go back there because of what people now believe of me. I am tired of people not getting me. I am not a complex man, I purposely have tried to keep myself from being "too complex". What you see is what you get, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Yet they missed me and my intent.

The small solace I have is that I still hear from Ben's parents, they invite me to come visit when I am back east agaian. The father has written me letters of recommendations for school. Does this sound like I am a bastard and a theif in their eyes? I hope to God they understood me, why I was there. Why I stayed when I had nothing left and had to get out because I was falling apart. I stayed literally because Ben's Mom looked at me and said her and her husband needed me there. How do you say no to that? How do you walk away from a promise to help them? They took care of me when I stayed there, very generously, but that's not why I was there. I am embarrassed to think what it cost me when compared to what they lost. I feel like a whiner. And yet people question my motives and accuse me of capitalizing on others pain.

I will have to close the entire door on my past and walk away from it. What I thought was my foundation (my friends) isn't. The prime facilitator is someone I convinced Ben's parents to take because of the needs they had and his ability to do them. He had skills I don't have, but now I regret extending my advice. I was wrong. Horribly, wrong. I put my trust in someone I really didn't know, and now I am paying the price. Never again.

Other than a few other friends, I have no-one. When will they turn on me, as experience has proven again and again. I am alone because I chose to be, to protect myself.


21:35 - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


Foley that bastard
Current mood: angry
Category: News and Politics


First, you all know I lean fairly conservative at times, libertarian at others, and maybe even liberal a wee bit. This moron Foley who got caught sending sexually oriented IMs to minors needs to be strung up, not sent to rehab for alcoholism or be able to hide behind alledged child abuse as an excuse. But what's worse is the cat and mouse game being played by the Republicans and the Democrats. SPOTH Hastert was told and did nothing beyond a "stop it" conversation with Foley. For Cripes sake, Foley sponsored anti-child abuse legislation. Couldn't anyone see a problem here. Now all anyone can talk about is how this will affect the up-coming election. Talk about missing the boat on both sides. Dems think they can ride this into majority leadership in at least one house. The Republicans are playing damage control. And we the electorate let both sides get away with this. But still third parties have no chance nationally. No wonder this country is on the verge of collapse. Mark my words, there is something BIG coming in the next 5-7 years. People are going to say NO and take drastic action to take this country back. Politicians don't own their power, neither does Washington. The fact that people sit back and allow themselves to be margainalized by their elected leaders, sickens me. But it will change. It will be either the borders issue or the 2nd Amendment, in my opinion. Regardless of what triggers people to react nationally, it will start in the middle part of the country. The coasts are to institutionalized to behave.

If we allow the forces in the world who have targeted us for destruction (way before Clinton or Bush were in office) to succeed, we don't deserve to be a country. It's time we take it back by whatever means works. Talking will work as long as you opponent is committed to the results of talking. If talking is simply used as a delay tactic while they build up for another attack, force is the only way to ensure your continued existence. You fight it out, people die, and at the end of it all if there are more of us than them, we still get to exist. If not, have fun learning Arabic because I won't be alive anymore. I will go down fighting for this country even though I know doing so guarantees my death.



Get involved and stop expecting them to solve it for you.